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About Deviant Premium Member Niels27/Male/United States Group :iconsouth-park-method: South-Park-Method
Canon-inspired fanart
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niels827
Niels
United States


26 / Male / San Jose, California
Business Student / Straight / Atheist

For Emily

Rest in peace, :icongumbah:. You were a wonderful friend.

...

Many thanks to :iconits-allisa: for the awesome illustration!

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:icondark-divergent:
Dark-Divergent Featured By Owner 8 hours ago
(Gives Niels a hug) I'm sorry for all you've been though. If there was some way for me to make it better, I would do it (keeps hugging)
Reply
:iconartzofjwy:
ArtzofJWY Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I read all the sad times of your life, but don't worry, you will get through with this. Just keep going what you do in your life and your future.
Reply
:iconmaggiewalker:
MaggieWalker Featured By Owner 5 days ago  New member
I just...wow. Just fucking wow. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this! I cried reading your story. Is there anything I can do for you? Send a prayer? Send a video? Just tell me. Please. 
Reply
:iconniels827:
niels827 Featured By Owner Edited 5 days ago
I'm not quite sure how to answer that question, or which story in particular you're referring to. I don't expect anyone to do anything, but I thank you for your concern. I very much appreciate it.
Reply
:iconmaggiewalker:
MaggieWalker Featured By Owner 4 days ago  New member
Your recent story: "Confined." I am just so sorry that you went through that. I had no idea places like that still existed. I thought things had changed. Just know that you are never alone. You have watchers who have your back, and you still have friends and family. Please don't try to take your life again. You have no idea how many people care for you, inside and outside of the internet. I know that last "help" was a catastrophe, but everybody cares for you. I'm sure Emily wants you to push on. She never left you.
Reply
:iconniels827:
niels827 Featured By Owner 3 days ago
Emmy did leave. She was taken away far too young. The only place she never left is my mind. I never really believed in a god or an afterlife or resurrection or spirits or people watching down on me, or anything like that. Maybe it makes me a bad person. I know it does in the eyes of some. I'm faced with that dilemma all the time, despite firmly standing my ground and being surrounded by friends and family that believe and disbelieve just the same things as me.

There are still people in my life; friends, family, and a special someone that I can't live without. But I've lost two friends this year, plus another who put me in the nuthouse that day when he stopped talking to me this week rather than the reverse, and my grandma's about to pass away from cancer. So it's hard to focus on what I have when I witness it getting taken away from me at a rate I can't keep up with. I love my girlfriend to death, but she's ridiculously far away. She's what keeps me going and gives me the only hope I have. It's difficult enough working a dead-end, degrading job 9 hours a day, 5 days a week while going to school and spending the rest of the other two days doing homework. All while I have no idea where I'll be next year; unhappily stuck here, where I've lived all my life, trying to finish school as fast as I can, or relocating to Colorado to go to live with family and go to school there, risking taking even more time to finish with the possibility that I'll have to repeat some of my hardest classes that I've already passed here. And unsuccessfully trying to control this demonic disease that robs me of my energy, my health, my vision, my dignity, and my will to push on, through the only possible methods known to man; all of which act as more of a life support than a cure or treatment.

I used to find much more solace in making artwork on here than I do now. My activity here has dwindled and so has my support, for whatever the latter is worth since a huge proportion of people on here are unhealthily-obsessed fangirls literally half my age. But I've no time for it much anymore; only in rare instances like tonight, where I manage to finish homework early because I'm not 100% lost on what the hell I'm trying to study. All I've been able to put out are repetitive personal rants that others are tired of hearing. I feel better when I talk to my friends and especially my girlfriend, but they're not by my side at all times, if even very often, and complaining about life doesn't help sweeten my relationships with anyone. Despite my very best efforts to suck it up and remind myself how things could be much worse, I fail miserably. Happiness is subjective, after all.
Reply
(2 Replies)
:iconkennyscream10237:
kennyscream10237 Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Student Digital Artist
Hey man, how are you?
Reply
:iconniels827:
niels827 Featured By Owner 5 days ago
Still stuck in the ground-level equivalent of the eighth layer of hell, kept afloat only by my girlfriend and my remaining friends and family.

How are you?
Reply
:iconkennyscream10237:
kennyscream10237 Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Student Digital Artist
A little great. Hope you feel better.
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconrikubattle:
rikubattle Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014
Hi buddy, how are you?
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:iconniels827:
niels827 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014
Not good. How are you?
Reply
:iconrikubattle:
rikubattle Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2014
Im fine, I hope you feel better.
Reply
:icone-sane:
E-Sane Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Um, hi, I'm a friend of Pokefan. I can see that you've been through a lot, but it gets better. I promise.
Reply
:icondark-divergent:
Dark-Divergent Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014
Hey, my cousin want to know if he can edit your new pic to show just you crying and talk about it on his tumblr page. He felt really sorry for you and he wants other people to know the suffering you went through, with your permission of course
Reply
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